It's friday. Thank goodness. One more day until I'll have an extra pair of hands to help me with my "more cranky than usual" little babe. This week has had it's challenging days to be sure. There were so many moments where I just wanted to eat my lunch in peace or not have to entertain him for 30 minutes (do you know how much cleaning I could get done in 30 minutes?)
This morning, I was having another moment. Every friday, we meet Joel for lunch and I needed to take a shower but Lincoln just wouldn't settle down for his morning nap (yet again). I reluctantly picked him up to try to rock him to sleep, thinking "maybe if I quickly rock him to sleep, I won't have to hear him scream one more time and I can finally take a shower."
After several minutes, I walked past a mirror (yes, I do that) to see if he was finally asleep and when I looked, I saw the sweetest, most tender face all scrunched up on my shoulder. Ugh, the regret started to sink in. My precious baby just needed a little extra love this morning and I didn't want to give it. There are times where I can resent my child. Wow. Did I just say that out loud? I resent the child that I prayed so long for. Oh friend, the guilt that comes with that statement is overwhelming. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love Lincoln. He is my world and I would do anything to keep him safe but I never realized how truly selfish I was until I became a mother.
I often don't see that these times are blessings in disguise. But they are. My heavenly Father is so faithful to show me where I'm wrong. He is teaching me more about who he is through these times. He doesn't resent me or refuse my need for extra time or love. I pray that I will love Lincoln the way my Father loves me. How deep is his love for me.
"How deep the Father's love for us,
How vast beyond all measure
That he should give his only Son
To make a wretch his treasure"
Mothers, bask in God's love for you. Know that you are treasured and cherished. He is faithful to give us what we need.
Happy Mother's Day!